Brat Cartman
by kennyfan98
Summary: There's something under Cartman's bed, and if he doesn't figure out what it is, it could be life threating. Enjoy!
1. The Monster

Brat Cartman

Cartman, Kyle, Stan and Tweek are standing at the bus stop.

Kyle: Hey, didn't Kenny come back to life?

Stan: Hey, yeah.

Kenny: Hmmph, Hmmphs.

Cartman: Tweek, get out of here!

Tweek (twitching): Okay!

Tweek walks away.

Cartman: Well, that's a relief.

Kyle: Why?

Cartman: Well, I have something to tell you. I have a-

News broadcaster: We interrupt this program to bring you a Terrence and Phillip special.

Terrence: Phillip, have you ever wondered what things would be like if we had brothers?

Phillip: Well Terrence, I already have one.

Terrence: Who?

Phillip: My ass!

Phillip farts in Terrence's face.

Terrence and Phillip: Ahh! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Terrence: I have one two!

Terrence farts in Phillips face.

Terrence and Phillip: Ahh! Ha, ha, ha.

Phillip: Terrence, guess what?

Terrence: What?

Phillip: Your brother stinks!

Terrence: Ha, ha, ha, yours too! Ha, ha, ha!

Kyle is watching from his t.v. screen.

Kyle's mom: Kyle, what are you watching?

Kyle: Terrence and Phillip.

Kyle's mom: What, what, what!!!

Hope you liked it. Review please. Don't worry, better chapters are coming up. I'll try to have a few more up by the end of the day.


	2. The Slut

The Slut:

Kenny is in his room reading playboy magazine.

Kenny quickly puts it away when he sees Cartman walk in his room.

Kenny (muffled): Hey Eric.

Cartman: Kenny, I need to tell you something. Do you believe in evolution?

Kenny: What the f**k are you talking about? Get out of my house!

Cartman: Fine, Kenny, I'll go to Stan's house! He'll understand!

Cartman slams Kenny's door. Kenny pulls out the Play boy magazine again.

Thing is, if Cartman was asking him about evolution, what would he say? It wouldn't matter, since no on can understand any thing he says. He believed n evolution; he also believed in god. He had no idea what to believe. But why would Eric be asking him about evolution?

Kenny ran out of his room and started following Eric. He wanted answers, and he'd get them.


	3. Time 2 Charge

Time 2 Charge:

Kyle's mom is at a town meeting.

Mrs. Broflovski: We need to take serious action if we're going to take Terrence and Phillip of the air forever!

Angry parents: Yeah!

Mrs. Broflovski: You may know me from the movie in which I killed Terrence and Phillip. Now I suggest we try to go all the way to Los Angelos and shut it down. But we need to get a killing machine to kill people if needed. The quetion is where do we find this killing machine?

Mrs. Cartman: My son found a monster under his bed.

Mrs. Broflovski: It'll have to do for now. To the Cartman's house!

They all run to Eric Cartman's house.

Mrs. Cartman: Here it is.

Mrs. Cartman shows Sheila the monster.

Mrs. Broflovski: That's not a monster, its a-

AN: Read and reveiw. Hope you liked it. Kind of a cliff hanger. Hope to have the next chapter up by tomorrow. By the way, Crystol Coneticit or however she spells her name is my sister.


	4. Evolution

Evolution:

AN:Everyone has heard about the theory that man evolved from apes and stuff right? Well, you're probably wondering what that had to do with the story. Well, you'll find out in this chapter.

(Stan's house)

Cartman: And that's what happened.

Stan: That f**king stupid!

Cartman: It's true. It's under my bed, you wanna see?

Stan: Okay, I'll see, to prove that you're wrong.

Cartman: Wait Stan, if I'm right, you have to suck my balls.

Stan: No!

Cartman: I thought it would work.

Stan: I saw what happened to Kyle in Imagianationland, I'm not making the same mistake.

(Cartman's house)

Cartman: I now demonstrate the fact that evolution is real.

Stan: I don't care about evolution, just tell me why we're here.

Cartman: There was a monster under my bed. Here it is.

Cartman lifts up his blanket and nothing is there.

Stan: You're so retarted, Cartman.

Cartman: No, I swear it was right there! What happened to it?! I know, Kyle took it. Yes, it's so obvious. Kyle couldn't help the fact that I had a monster andhe didn't.

Stan: Kyle doesn't even know about the monster even if it was real.

Cartman: How do you know? I'm going to Kyle's house. He had that monster, and I'm gonna find it.

AN: Hope you liked the chapter! Review please!!!! I've only gotten one review. Anyway, I bet you're wondering where th "monster" is. You'll find out at some point. Can't wait to write the next chappy. Bye!


	5. The Spy

The Spy:

Kyle is in the park when he sees Cartman and Stan walking down the street with Kenny shortly behind.

Kyle: What the hell?

Kyle walks over to Kenny.

Kyle: Kenny, what the f**k are you doing?

Kenny: Cartman asked me if I beleived in evolution and I got suspicious.

Kyle looks at Kenny with a strange look on his face.

Kyle: Why?

Kenny: Chek this out?

Kyle and Kenny walk into Cartman's house. Kenny pulls up Cartman's bedsheets.

Kyle: Holy s**t! What the hell is that thing?!

Kenny: There's only one explanation... aliens.

Kyle: Aliens?

Kenny: Aliens.

Kyle: Since there is no certain explanation, I'm gonna beleive you.

Kenny: Great. To NASA!

A swirl with Kyle and Kenny's face does that thing that happens in super hero movies.

Kyle and Kenny are at NASA.

Kyle: What do you mean we can't go into space?

Mexican guy: You need 1 billion dollars to go into space.

Kyle: Fine, we'll make our own spaceship. We'll show you. We'll show everyone!

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AN: Hope you liked the chapter. So far nothing makes any sense but in the end, everything will be related. Hope to have the next chapter up tommorow.


	6. Brat Cartman

The Brat:

AN: In the last chapter, Keny and Kyle saw Brat Cartman, even though Cartman and Stan didn't. Here is the story before.

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Stan: Cartman, what are you doing?

Cartman: Setting up a distraction so Kyle and Kenny get fooled.

Stan: Do you really think they'll fall for that?

Cartman: Maybe. Come Stan, let's catch that brat!

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Mrs. Broflovski: This is the child that Mrs. Cartman made. He is, infact, homicidal.

Brat: Eric... need to kill... Eric.

Mrs. Cartman: NO! Don't kill Eric.

Brat: Kill Eric!

Brat Cartman runs out of the room.

He runs to Eric.

Eric: Hey, get otu of here, you dumb jew!

Stan: He's not a jew, he looks like you.

Brat Cartman and Eric Cartman look straight at Stan.

Brat and Eric: I do not look like him. How can you even say that! This guy is fat. I'm not fat, I'm buff!

Stan: That was kind of scary.

Stan runs to Kyle's house where he and Kenny are attempting to make an airplane.

Kyle: Kenny, I don't think this is working.

Kenny: Yeah, this airplane sucks! We have to find another way to get into space.

Stan: You guys, Cartman has a little brother!

Kenny and Kyle: Say wha-!

Kyle: We'll be back after these messages.

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Billy Mayes: Hi Billy Mays here with another great product! If you're like most Americans, you like Chipotle', but hate those horrible blood stains on your underwear.

Man: I love Chipotle', but hate those blood stains.

Billy Mayes: Now you can get your underwear clean and eat Chipotle' thanks to Cipotleaway. It gets those blood stains of your underwear and is so clean, you can practicully eat off of it!

Man eating Chipotle' off his underwear: Mmm, Chipotle'!

Billy Mayes: You'll never have to buy new underwear again thatnks to Chipotleaway! It gets the tough stains out! Order right now!

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Stan: Who was that?

Eric: That was Billy Mayes, duh.

Kyle: Let's not get into this again. What the hell is that thing chasing you?

Eric: It's something evil, but it's also somrthing that can help all of us. Anyway, get Stan!

Brat Cartman runs and tries to shoot Stan but misses and hits Kenny.

Stan: Oh my god, they killed Kenny!

Kyle: You bastard! Dude, let's get out of here!

Stan and Kyle start running.

Anouncer: And it looks like it's Stan and Kyle, followed by the Cartman's, followed by an angry mob of moms. Who's going to board this convenient boat and get out of here first? It looks like it's Stan and Kyle!

Stan and Kyle board the boat and sail of and see flowers all around them and win gold medals.

Brat: They got away.

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AN: Hoped you liked Kenny's death, request from mike power the fox. The Billy Mayes part I got from Dead Celebrities, the new South Park episode. I bet you're wondering where all of those andom scenes came from. Well, like I said, it will all come together in the last scene. Bye!!!


	7. The Boat

The Boat:

Kyle: Do you think we lost them?

Stan: I think so, good thing this boat was here.

Voice: You have fallen right into my trap!

Stan: Who is that?

Proffeser Chaos comes out of the shadows.

Proffeser Chaos: Yes, it is I, Proffeser Chaos!

Kyle: Well that's a releif.

Proffeser Chaos: What do you mean?

Stan: You're not much of an emeny.

Proffeser Chaos: Oh chucks, I really thought I scared you guys.

Kyle: No, not really.

Stan: Wait, if you're here, who's driving the boat?!

Proffeser Chaos: General Deseray, of course. Now, where do you want to get off at?

Kyle: Could you drop me off at my house?

Proffeser Chaos: Sure, General Deseray?

General Deseray: Yeah.

Proffeser Chaos: Drop these two off at Kyle's house.

General Desray: As you wish, Proffeser Chaos.

General Desray drives the boat right into Kyle's house.

Kyle: Jesus Christ, dude!

Stan: Why the hell did you give a five year old permission to drive?!

Proffeser Chaos: I've heard enough! Stan and Kyle, get off the boat!

Proffeser Chaos pulls out a rubber sword.

Stan: Whatever, we'll get off.

Stan and Kyle run into Kyle's house.

Kyle: Ike! Ike! Where are you!?

Stan and Kyle look everywhere.

Stan: Maybe he's at the park.

Stan and Kyle rn to the park.

Kyle: Oh my god.

Stan: What?

Ike was in the park alright. He was in the park with Brat Cartman.

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AN: Hoped you liked the chapter. R&R! There are two possibilities to what happened. 1: Ike made friends with Brat Cartman. 2: Brat Cartman is trying to kill Ike. You'll find out which wan will happen.


	8. Quest for Ratings

The Quest for Ratings:

**DON'T IGNORE THIS! My sister, Crystol Coneticut, and I, are trying to get more reviews. So read&review, and whoever gets 20 reviews first wins. Whoever helps me win will get me on my favs list, and no flames! Please do not put up flames or I'll ban you from my page. If you have an older sister that you wanna stick it to, help me win :)**


	9. The Canadian and the Fatso

The Camadian and the Fatso:

Kyle: Ike, what are you doing!

Ike: Kyle, Brat is my friend.

Kyle: No, that's not possible, If Cartman hates me, how can Brat like you?

Ike just sits there and stares at the camera.

Ike: Holy s**t, I'm with a f**cking serial killer!

Brat pulls out a knife. He tries to stab Ike. Ike starts running.

Ike: Ahh! Kyle, help me!

Kyle throws of his coat so he can get more speed. Afigure appears in the shadows as Kyle and Stan run after Ike.

The mysterious figure grabs the coat

Figure (in deep voice): I smell Jew...

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Kyle and Stan are running after Ike and they run into the kitchen of the school.

Chef: Hello, children!

Stan and Kyle: Hey, chef.

Kyle: Chef, what happens when a serial killer is chasing after your little brother?

Chef: Is the brother Canadian?

Kyle: Yeah.

Chef: Is the brother related to Cartman?

Stan: Yeah.

Chef: Take this.

Chef throws the boys a book. They blow the dust off of the book and It says:

**How a canadian brother can survive to a Cartman brother**

Then it shows a picture of Ike running away from Brat.

Kyle: Whoa, this is really accurate, where'd you get that?

Chef: I published it right, just now.

Stan: The whole thing?

Chef: No, I wrote the book ahead of time, then I took the picture, then I put it on the manuscript.

Kyle: Yeah, yeah.

Kyle starts reading the book.

Kyle: Step one: You realize your brother is with a serial killer related to a Cartman. What do you do? Don't leave any of your stuff behind, the brothr of the Cartman will sense it and come looking for you. Oh crap, dude!

Stan: What?

Kyle: I dropped my coat when I was ready to run!

Stan: Oh yeah. Read the next step.

Kyle: Step two: If you did drop any items send someone to look for them. Stan, go!

Stan: I'm on it!

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Ike: Ahhh! Kyle, where are you?

Brat: He'll never catch up. You're dead!

Ike: Ahhhh!

Ike trips on the table and Brat jumps on him.

Brat: Asta lavista. Or however you spell it.

Brat is about to kill Ike when they hear a gunshot.

Proffeser Chaos: It is you who should be saying goodbye.

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Stan is following the trail that led them to the school when he sees the figure.

Stan: Cartman, I know it's you!

Cartman: How'd you know?

Stan: That's a secret. Come with me.

Stan hancuffs Cartman but Cartman kicks a button in his back pocket.

A light in Brat's pocket lights up and Brat starts running.

Proffeser Chaos: Here you go, come with me.

Proffeser Chaos takes Ike to the boat.

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Kyle is reading the book to himself now that he doesn't have anyone to read to.

Kyle's thoughts: Step three: The brother would've just recieved a message that he has to return to his brother. You must follow your partner's coordinates that say where he's located. (But wait, Stan doesn't have a tracking device.) You're probably wondering how a tracking device in there. Everyone is born with one in their head. Just put in some private information only you would know. Answer the following questions and this light will light up.

Kyle answers the questions and the light lights up. Kyle follows it. He wasn't losing his friend, he already lost one of them.

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Stan is walking with Cartman beside him. Then Brat comes in and everything turns around. He kicks Stan in the face but then Kyle comes in and kicks him in the face. Kyle runs of with Cartman while Stan fights of Brat. Kyle is so far out now, it's not even funny. Kyle throws Cartman in his house and locks the door.

Cartman: You'll never get away with this, Jew!

Kyle leaves and goes home.

Kyle: Ike!

Ike: Kyle!

Ike and Kyle hug.

Kyle: How'd you get here?

Proffeser Chaos: With the help of me.

Kyle: Proffeser Chaos? It was you? Wow, you can be useful.

Proffeser Chaos: All in a days work.

Proffeser Chaos jumps out the window and falls on the ground.

Proffeser Chaos: Oh hamburgers.

Kyle: Yup, that's Butters for ya'.

Voice: Everyone knows it's Butters!

Butters: That's me.

Stan runs in the room witha knife and has blood all over him.

Kyle: Oh my god! Stan, what happened to you?!

Stan: That doesn't matter. All that matters is that Brat Cartman is dead. I put him in an indian burial ground.

Kyle: I don't know if that was a good idea.

Stan: Who gives a crap? I just had to get rid of that body.

Mrs. Broflovsi and Mrs. Marsh come running into Kyle's room.

Mrs. Broflovski: Kyle, did you hancuff Eric and lock him in his room?

Mrs. Marsh: Stan, did you kill Eric's little brother and bury him in an indian burial ground?

Kyle and Stan start laughing in that guilty way.

Mrs. Broflovski: Kyle, you're grounded!

Mrs. Marsh: You too, Stan! But I'll let you stay with Kyle untill dinner.

Mrs. Marsh slams the door.

Kyle: Oh crap, dude.

Stan: At least Brat is dead.

Shows the burial ground when it's rain and lightning. Brat is in the ground with his eyes closed. Then the screen says: THE END. But then Brat opens his eyes and a question mark appears after the D.

AN: Yeah, Brat Cartman is finally dead. How's that for a shocking ending? Read and review please! That contest is still going on, I need 14 more reviews. Help me! Thank you!


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